Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Catching water.

The days are long but the years are short. Oh so true.

It really doesn't seem like that long ago when Max was just a little baby and I'd say to myself "one day we'll actually be consistent at FHE when he understands something." Here we are! He understands! We're probably going to be following the nursery manual for our FHE's this year to reiterate in Max what he learned the previous day in nursery.

Wasn't it just last month I hung up our FHE plaque with tons of empty names on who's in charge of lessons, prayer, treat etc? There were only 3 of our names and I thought it would seem like forever for us to fill up that plaque. There's only one empty spot now!

Not to toot my own horn, but I think I'm semi-good at stepping back and soaking in moments understanding they're not going to last long. Watching those old videos I made really makes it real. I can remember Maxson so well as a cute chubby 14 month old waddling around wanting to be bigger, trying to understand more, but he just wasn't quite there. And here we are, at 26 months blabbering out tons of words, riding a bike, running, being funny on purpose, having opinions that are so clearly understood ancommunicated, following commands, saying the prayers for meals and family prayers. He's growing up so fast.

The other day I got way too impatient with Max all day long. HE WOULD NOT STOP SAYING MOMMA ALL WEEK LONG. I was so fed up with that word, I would tell him yes Max I'mlistening and he'd just keep saying momma over and over until I completely stopped what I was doing and followed him to exactly where he wanted me to go. Now I understand this is really cute, but in the moment I was just fed up. I didn't have time to continually keep stopping what I was doing to appease him. I snapped at him a few times and felt so awful that night looking back. I know that won't be my last parenting day I feel like that nor do I believe that will be my worst, but I am so grateful for the ability to quickly and easily step back and appreciate a situation that won't last long and take better advantage of it. That day was last week. In the days since then I have been more patient and tolerant of him "momma's".

I was telling Casey my feelings on this in the car one day, telling him with tears in my eyes how sad I was that I treated Max like that. How I know he's only going to want my attention like this for so long, he won't always take my hand saying "up" pulling me over to the bathroom to show me how he put all his cars in the bathtub to prepare his bath for coming up, so proud so happy. He won't always be pulling my hand to the kitchen to want to do dishes and pour ingredients in the bowl for me. I tried holding onto 14 month old Max cupped in my hands like a puddle of water, and even with all my handwork of trying to preserve him, he slowly melted away. Now I hold 22 month old Max in my hand, and he's slowly slipping out of my hands. It makes me so sad to see him fade away. The cute way he says tractor, lasagna, cereal, his defiant and hilarious no's, his cute little toddler run, his chubby legs. I'm just losing my sweet little boy everyday it seems like. Of course I'm gaining and sweet older boy everyday but it's still bitter sweet.

The same thing is happening with my babies. They're not so small anymore! Two f my close neighbors JUST had new little babies I've gotten to hold. They are so small, so sleepy, so cuddly, so new. My TWO tiny babies are not like that anymore! They're waking up, they interact with me, they smile, their eyes light up with happiness when you talk to them. I love what they're turning into but I get a lump in my throat thinking of those peaceful almost spiritual days in the NICU just holding and cuddling them. Oh how I miss those tiny sweet angel newborns. It never lasts long enough (well the sleep deprivation does but that's not what we're talking about.)

I love being a mother. It's the most flipping tiring, exhausting, overwhelming, taxing thing I've ever done and yet the most rewarding, heart bursting, happiest thing I've ever done as well. This is my calling in life. This is my season. I feel so sustained from the Lord each day in this calling. I feel so blessed, oh so blessed.

Side story on Max and FHE. Just want to give my small testimony of the importance of FHE. We've been able to teach max so many important things in FHE that he has truly caught onto (saying yes, listening to God/ parents, praying, being a child go God etc). One day Max was not listening and obeying. I finally stopped him, knelt down to his level, took him by the shoulders, looked into his eyes and compared him to Nephi, how Nephi "go'd" and "do'd" what the Lord commanded, Nephi listened (with his ears) and obeyed (with his actions) and how Max needed to use his ears to listen to momma and then obey and do what she says and then I began singing the Nephi's courage song he knows so well. I know he caught on, and of course he still often doesn't listen and obey (he'll not do this his whole life but we sadly do the same with our heavenly Father too) but in that moment he understood and connected Nephi's story to his life. We've done the same thing with the story of Daniel and he Lion's den as well as an FHE based on prayer. As a friend quoted to me "teach by the cradle side" is truly the best advice.

A couple pictures.

You guys, we REALLY need a bigger bed. See that less than 12 inch space on the left? Yeah I squoze in over there nursing Quinn…We NEED a new bed! (Yes Max plays on the iPad in the mornings on our bed (still) since the mornings still often feel like I walk up after being hit by a train...
I love keeping up Christmas cards forever. I'm finally getting a bunch of mine out this week!!!
I took the twins to a Dr's appt by myself for the first time a couple weeks. I was so proud f myself. Both babies had ear infections, so so sad. 
This was the weather and Bryson at the Dr's appt. #ihatewinter
Max's daily activity of filling up any and all types of bottles and cups he can get ahold of at the sink. And that day he apparently needed to put spoons in them all. One of my favorite activities he does.
Bumbo babies!
The babies don't look so small when I include Max… cue tears of my baby boy growing up.
I tols Max not to wake the baby up, and this is what he proceeds to do for the next 15 minutes…not cool dude.

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