Sunday, June 1, 2014

babies racing through my mind

here is another post written 4 days after finding out we're having twins.

**this turned into a word vomit, my apologies**

the thought of twins is still consuming my mind. we are on day 4 of having heard this news and it's still surreal. i bring the ultrasound pictures with me everywhere, like even to bed at night people. i'm constantly having to remind myself it's real and i just want to keep looking at the TWO babies in there, TWOOOOOO!!!! that is so wild!

our talk constantly consists of "well when the twins get here" "what about the twins" "how will that work with twins" it's always "the twins." is that the best way to refer to them? do you think they'd be preferred to be called "the babies" or "both babies" instead of "the twins?" i don't really know. it's just crazy we're having TWO babies!

here's all the stuff that is constantly running through my mind

- are we going to fit in our house anymore?
- i think we need a new car. (hello mini van!)
- what stroller are we going to buy? a double? a triple? a jogger? all those options cost a butt load
- will maxson have to wear a leash because i'll be too exhausted to let him run and legitimately chase him? i never wanted to put a kid on a leash!
- how do you breastfeed TWO babies at the same time?
- i'm positive i won't get a full night's sleep until they're 2 years old.
- i will be 24 with 3 kids UNDER the age of 2, not even 2, UNDER 2. i was never planning to be that mom.
- learning that you're expecting twins is like learning you're pregnant when you had no intentions to become so "what?! i'm pregnant/having twins? how did that happen? what will we do? our worlds are going to turn upside down!!"
- mine and casey's arms will NEVER be empty from once they're born until they're 2, one of us will always be wrangling 2 of our 3 wild things.
- the messes 1 toddler makes, multiplied by two? and maxson is still in the mix...
- oh my gosh the messes alone maxson will make while i'm nursing those babies. let's be real, it's totally easy to walk around while nursing 1 baby, not all that hard, 2 would be legitimately impossible.
- how will i ever go to the pool again once they're here? there's no way all 4 of us could be safe under just my watch.
- there's no way i could handle 2 more boys at the same time as maxson. that would be like three tornado-maxsons running rampant in my life? i think i will literally go crazy (you watch, of course i'm going to have twin boys now since i said it, ha)
- let's be honest, ideally my preferentials of the babies' genders are boy-girl, girl-girl, boy-boy. twin boys on top of maxson sounds SO HARD!!!!!!!
- where will everyone sleep in our small tiny house?
- will maxson get enough attention and love and cuddles with twin babies around?
- if these are twin boys OH MY GOSH they along with casey and max will eat so much food, how will i ever feed them all? it'll be like cooking for an army every night!
- i thought going to the temple now was hard having to ask someone to watch very active maxson, how will we ever go once the twins come?
- max is going to run through church like a wild thing and there will be practically nothing we can do to stop it since both our arms will be full of babies.
- my belly is going to be GINORMOUS! i was huge with max, let's be honest i don't grow gracefully when it comes to pregnancy, i'm going to look like 40 weeks with max at 28 weeks with twins.
- so many diaper changes those first 6 months. OH MY HECK.
- i won't get asked to do nearly as many things because "oh she has twins"… that could go for better or worse
- we're never going to fly again. and me alone is COMPLETELY out of the question. even if casey were to come too there would be 5 of us in 1 row! i think you'd have to have the parents in separate rows, have to
- when will i ever shower?
- i will literally never get a break because if i go somewhere i'll ask casey to watch the kids but probably take pity on him and take one baby
- i always ask people "what was the hardest transition 1 to 2 or 2 to 3 (or really 0 to 1 is huge)" i think my 1 to 3 may take the cake…
- i wish we were out of the "we're in school" stage when having twins so i could hire more teenagers to come over and watch all my babies to get my sanity back (and get a cleaning lady…)
- speaking of cleaning, my floor will be so nasty with 3 children around, so nasty…
- i think i'm going to force CONSTANT white noise on the twins while sleeping. they're going to have to pretty much always share a room with someone in some form or another and they're going to have to learn how to sleep through it
- there's join to be FIVE people in our family pictures now! poor maxson may never get held for them :(
- i'm going to get really buff trucking around 2 babies in each arm. if they are made out of any of the same genes max is, i've got two more mini tanks coming my way (i keep asking max when he's going to lose some weight, he doesn't seem to be listening)
- the first year is going to be stinking hard but after that, i think it's going to get much easier. i lie, one year olds almost seems like more work than x month olds…
- there will be THREE playmates in my house! i hope one doesn't get left out…
- i always knew casey was/is going to be the ultra fun dad around, and now with twins, that's been even more solidified in my mind.
- i'm so grateful he is a baby whisperer and has so much patience with babies, i seriously got SOO lucky with that mixed with this pregnancy
- i'm going to eat so much food over the next 6 months. ooy
- if this is 2 boys i'm going to have to send out 2 of my sweet boys on missions at the exact same time! and they'll overlap maxson's!
- if this is 2 girls i'm going to have to pay for 2 weddings at nearly the exact same time!!!!!!
- i heard casey say he kinda wants two boys so they can be the star basketball players on a team together, hahaha. but i think realistically he wants a boy and a girl too
- they will be wheeling TWO babies in and out of my hospital room, woah.

regardless of all my concerns and fears, i am beginning to be so thoroughly STOKED for twins! i think the initial fear, worry, and scare of twins has worn off. we've come to grow around the idea of twins and it's sinking in to what our idea of "our normal life" is, that's crazy. i really am so excited and thrilled at the thought of having twins. never in my wildest dreams did i imagine i'd be a mom of twins (actually the week before my dr. appointment i did have  dream i had twins! they were so little and for some reason i let my mom take care of them immediately while i went off to the romney family reunion, what kind of mother am i!?!?! she only fed them rice cereal!!!! once i realized what i had done i forced my mom to give them back to me when they were 2 days old and started breast feeding them as much as i could, ha. definitely a dream, not a vision)

everyone (for the most part) we've told has been so supportive of our news. mothers and grandmothers insisting them come for weeks at a time to help and more often after that, friends saying "if anyone can do it it's you and casey", and brothers saying "wow, i don't envy you" (those weren't supportive comments but that is what they all said, ha). i've also had a handful of people tell me they've heard of so many twins being born totally spontaneously to families that don't have twins in their family lately that they think it's heavenly father's way of sending down children as quickly as He needs to good families. and i believe that. the want of children in our culture has changed and that makes me so sad. it is so crazy fun to be a mom, SO crazy fun (and exhausting and difficult and trying) but oh man the joy you get from it, the love that child gives back to you is worth more than all the gold and treasure this earth has to offer.

i feel so blessed to be a mother on this earth at this time. i know it's going to be really hard with my kids when they're teenagers because of all the filth this world has to offer, but casey and i will fight our hardest on the front battle lines with these kids to defend our faith and beliefs and our family unit so we can return as a family to our heavenly father for all eternity. there is NOTHING that will stand in the way of our family goal.

so bring on the twins! bring on the babies! we are ready, and willing, and eager for the task!


Shane and Clara said...

ah Kimber, I don't even know where to begin w/ my comments....
How exciting! You are a piece of your mother and I have always thought super highly of her and wished I could be like her and around her more often. Your two little spirits are coming to a special family. Know that above all....Heavenly Father is the one who is entrusting them to you. and HE wouldn't give you anything you and Casey weren't capable of.
You are inspiring to others. You inspire me through your blog. I love reading the things you write. I can relate to many of them....even when I was only expecting 1 baby at a time. You are a special mommy, I am so happy for your family and the joy that is going to be multiplied by 2. Keep up the goodness. Your natural happiness that radiates about is an awesome attribute. Enjoy this pregnancy ride....I'm sure its a whole different kind of NEW than it was with your 1st.....probably like a 1st ALL over again!

Andy Ballstaedt said...

You go girl! THREE UNDER TWO! Ahhh i love it. And honestly you guys are going to do it so amazingly. I just told Levi, Kimber is the go with the flow type and can laugh at the stresses of life so she will handle it. And i mean it!

Suzanne and Nate said...

Love this post! You are so human, although once I see you rockin three babes like it's the easiest thing on earth you won't be anymore:) no seriously though, I'm sure you'll be blessed along the way and pretty soon it won't seem so daunting. I'm so excited for you and Casey and max!

Blair said...

Yay Kimber! I had that same thought. If ANYONE can do twins, its you two! You will be amazing.

Blair said...

Oh yeah, and I'm SO glad you are posting a lot again :)

Melissa Phillips said...

Some of your worries are so valid. I would have the same thoughts. But I'd try to remind myself that people have done this before (some with more than twins). So it's Doable!!

I follow this one mom on IG she doesn't ever go in depth but she's been tandem BF her babies since day 1 and now they're almost two. And they're the 8th and 9th kid in that family. Crazy! SO google tandem feedings. See what you find!

<3 you! So excited for you. Can't wait to find out what gender they are. That's the waiting part I hate!!!

Nicole said...

LOVE YOU KIMBER! I'm catching up on all your blog posts and I am just loving them. You are an amazing mother.

Cherri said...

Boys are great and yes you probably did jinx yourself with that comment..... with only one boy in arms talking to a dear friend (a mom of 4 boys) I said "oh Jane I could never handle 4 boys.... ta dah! And they came! BOYS ARE GREAT! And you will do great with no matter what... OXOXXO