to birth a child.

Little Maxson arrived in our lives on December 1, 2012 at 10:34 am in his own perfect way. Here's a condensed version of how it all played out!

Monday, November 26 we had an appointment with my doctor, Terra. I knew a week prior to this appointment that she was going to be out for surgery beginning the next day to get her tonsils out which meant the chances of her delivering my baby were very low, boo, because we loved her. At the appointment she declared I was still dilated to a 1 (I had been since 36 weeks) and stripped my membranes. She also told us that there may be a need to be induced the next day because of a few medical things. We were both thrilled and disappointed to hear that. Thrilled because we'd finally be having our baby the next day! Disappointed because I didn't want to be induced. We had been doing the home study hypnobabies course for the past few months and I was very eager to labor in the birthing tubs at the hospital and do my own thing etc etc. I had conflicting feelings about being induced: 1) being induced leads to pitocin which leads to an epidural which could lead to a c-section which I of course did not want (that's how the "natural birthing" world brainwashes you) 2) lots of people are induced, get epidurals, and everything is fine and they deliver vaginally and it turns out great! So there we were.  But if I was needing to be induced for medical reasons, I was just doing what was safest for me and our baby, it wasn't my "selfish" desires wanting to be done being pregnant, right?

Tuesday came and the results of my blood work weren't in. Crazy disappointed. No baby.

Wednesday morning came and still no call. We figured since my doctor was now out of the office maybe no one was really looking out for me so I called in and asked. I talked to Terra's nurse who got my results, showed them another doctor there, who then said my results were not in the range of need of medical inducement. Hello crazy disappointing! I was supposed to have this baby Tuesday and now I'm not going to at all?! I was mentally checked out yesterday and here I was with this big old basketball in front of me and sure I was now going to have a 9 pound baby. But then again, this was good, right? Because now I could have the natural labor I'd been preparing and hoping for. That's what I kept trying to tell myself.

After a few hours of mulling it over , praying, and talking to Casey we decided to schedule an appointment on Friday, his due date, with one of the other doctors to see where I was and see what they said about induction then. On the phone the nurse said that with this appointment, an induction couldn't be scheduled til after I saw that doctor which wouldn't be til Monday. And then in my mind I was thinking "I don't want to go overdue!!!"

So Friday, November 30 finally came around, and once Casey got done with school, we headed to our doctor's appointment. As soon as we got to our room with the nurse, she checked my blood pressure, which she found to be sky high, and it was baby time from there practically. She checked both arms to make sure it wasn't a fluke and then a second nurse came in to verify as well. The doctor came in and announced "Alright! Let's send you to the hospital and have that baby. The only way to get your blood pressure down is for you to have the baby." She checked me and I was dilated to a 3 and stripped my membranes again to see if she could get any of them chemicals going naturally. She also strongly encouraged we go straight to the hospital, which meant no going home to get bags.

Again, our emotions were a) YAY we finally get to have the baby b) YAY I'm not going to go overdue c) BOO pitocin

3:30 pm checked into our hospital and meet our most favorite nurse

4:00 pm learn what's gonna be happening such as blood pressure readings every half hour, constant monitoring, and needing to stay lying down in the bed the whole time to keep blood pressure down, boo.

4:10 pm begin pitocin

4:15 pm I remember I haven't eaten and our nurse let's me order room service, so glad I got some food

5:00 pm our neighbors bring our bags to us in the hospital

5:00-9:00 pm switch off between watching season 6 of Friends to laugh and lighten the mood or listening to different hypnobabies tracks to help calm me.

8ish pm because my blood pressure kept creeping up and up the midwife and doctor both agreed i needed magnesium. magnesium is supposed to calm your muscles. pitocin is supposed to help contract them. at this point i was sure i was going to have a c-section and was incredibly worried.

9:00 pm  the midwife came and broke my water (remember my doctor was out? they asked if I wanted a doctor or midwife in their office to deliver, I didn't mind either, so they sent over the midwife which was so great for my situation).

PAUSE- water breaking=most uncomfortable/weirdest feeling ever. it's like i couldn't stop peeing my pants for 30 minutes, weird...

10:00 pm contractions began getting real hot and heavy. so by 10, knowing i couldn't move around to relieve any pain or help him progress further, we decided the epidural was a great option (side note: i'd love to have an unmedicated birth at some point in my life, but it was not destined for this birth). long before i ever entered the hospital i kinda knew if i was going to have pitocin, i'd also want the epidural. short labor=yes i'd like to try unmedicated. long labor=yes, i'd like to have some medication. i also asked for it this soon knowing it'd take awhile to actually get the epidural administered.

11:00 pm the very kind anesthesiologist came and did his job. **note** epidural was WAY less painful than any contraction i was experiencing. at this point i was a 6. my epidural was fabulous; i could feel my toes the whole time but was perfectly numbed

11pm-8 am i was sleeping and totally out of it. the magnesium makes you feel like you're experiencing a hangover (at least that's what all the nurses and people kept telling me that's what i was feeling like [and man, if that's what a hangover feels like, why do you crazies go out drinking to experience one of those by choice?!]). i was still present in the situation i was just so tired though, it was hard to keep my eyes open and all i wanted to do was sleep.

6:15 am i had progressed to a 10 but they wanted to wait it out a little while to see if the baby would drop anymore by himself.

8:15 am the midwife advised the nurses to start directing me to push, a resident was also there and was a lot of help during this whole pushing.

9:15 am the midwife came in joined in on the party

10:15 am i was so done. sure, the epidural numbs the pain, but pushing for two hours was the most exhausting thing i have ever done in my life (worth it? well, of course. but still exhausting). i remember asking "can't you just pull him out?" the last 2 hours casey and the nurses were constantly supportive and encouraging telling me how well i was doing on each push. so each time they did say those kind words, i really thought i was close and i'd push harder and better and they'd cheer on more and more, and it was this continuous circle for 2 hours. i didn't know it had been 2 hours and funny enough i never stopped believing all those around me, luckily so. and unlike some say when they have an epidural it was hard for them to know if they were pushing or not, i felt it was easy to direct my pushing. 

10:30 am when i was telling my nurse i was so tired (remember, magnesium, still going through my body trying to relax my muscles [brain included]) and couldn't do it anymore she announced the midwife and others were putting their scrubs on and it was time (unlike the encouragement/pushing circle, i really didn't believe her)

10:34 am our little boy finally came into the world, healthy, happy, and face up. this face up business was what made it take FOREVER. the midwife said most women can't push a baby out like that and it does lead to a c-section. i will take pride in myself for that fact, thank you very much. and many of the nurses said that if i had had a doctor other than my original one, they wouldn't have had the patience to let me push so long with such little progression, for this fact i'm thankful for the midwife. 

i remember sitting on the bed, looking over the heads of the people working on me to see a glimpse of my baby boy. my eyes were little slits, i was so tired it was hard to keep them open and see. i saw flailing arms. i heard his cry. and then a nurse moved out of the way and i caught the whole sight of him. at that point is when i finally relaxed back into the bed, tears filling my eyes, so happy my baby was here. (i also immediately thought, woah, he is so big). i couldn't believe he finally was here. i was so tired but i had done it. i was a mother and my first child had just come into my life. i just continued to lean back and soak in this first feeling of motherhood. utter joy and happiness filled my heart.

they brought him back to me rather quickly all bundled up to keep him warm and cozy because that poor boy had one heck of a long time being squozen. i was so happy to be holding him, i had dreamed and wondered for so long what he'd look like and now i knew. casey and i just kept staring at him and he stared back. it was the most wonderful feeling ever.

sadly, because i was so tired i could only hold him for so long before it was too uncomfortable. for the next hour they stitched me up while casey sat on the couch holding our son. i kept looking at them, longing to hold him again. but i also loved watching casey hold this newborn baby so close to him, so protective, so loving.

they finished and everyone whisked out of the room to leave just casey and myself to be with our new baby. it was so perfect getting to finally be in the room just us 3. it felt so right.