Thursday, January 26, 2017

Haggered mama

This is what you look like after 2 full days of mothering 4 kids 4 and under with no adult interaction. Literally had no clue what I looked like until after I put them to bed!

Monday, January 9, 2017

my 5 guys // Easton's newborn photos

Last night I went to bed after the rest of the crew. Snow softly falling outside, piling up everywhere it could reach. A foot plus with no sign of stopping.

The house was completely dark and quiet and peaceful.

I was just sitting in bed nursing my sweet new baby.

How I love this new sweet baby so much. I fall head over heels with my babies and I forget every time. They are absolute heaven. I want to hold and cuddle and kiss him all day long. How I long to hold him again after putting them down to go to work on the house. It has been incredibly non stressful with baby number 4, I know what I'm doing and have an idea what to expect of various aspects so this time I can just purely enjoy this sweet bundle of joy, because that's truly what he is. He has brought so much love into our family these past few weeks. There were so many times I completely broke down with gargantuan tears the weeks and months before his birth questioning Heavenly Father how I could possibly handle another child when I'm barely keeping the 3 I have and myself alive through the day, why was He sending another?! And now I can see we were missing a piece of love and patience and bonding in our puzzle and Easton has brought that piece to all the members of our family. I love love love this little baby Easton like crazy.



Knowing my husband lay right next to me, happily asleep. He works so hard for our family. Stresses over keeping our family safe, well, cared for. SO often thinking of us before himself. He's a shining example of selfless so much of the time and has no clue. I just cry when I think about how lucky I am to have him. That he chose me. That my favorite person in this whole world also thinks I'm his favorite person. I don't know what I would do without him. He's my rock and my world.




Just across the hall lay my 3 sweet sleeping boys. Max and my other babies. We still call the the twins the babies, we just can't quite quit the habit. Those twins of mine make me want to cry in frustration and cry of sheer joy and love and cuteness at so many moment of the day. They are at such a tender age, so innocent, so loving, so mischievous. They bring me so much joy, I can't believe we have survived twins this far. They have been so hard at times and so much fun. They love me like I am their whole world. They have been so sweet to our new baby, they are such good boys, I hope I can be a good mom for them.



And then sweet Max in his own room next to theirs. He's such a good big brother. He's been so good to the twins, they play together, he guides them, helps them, looks out for them (and hits pushes them way too much). He can be so sensitive to the feelings of others (and so completely oblivious at times). He constantly is wanting to hold and love Easton, looking out for him when he cries, talking to him, telling me he wants to hold his "choot baby." I hope I am giving him my adequate time and attention to help him learn and grow. I can't believe how fast he's growing, slipping away from my nest with the slow pull of school beginning. He brings me so much joy, he is my first baby after all and will forever be my baby.



I have been so blessed with the most wonderful family. They are not perfect, like, at all, but, they are perfect for me. Shaping me into the woman I need to be more. Helping me forget about myself to serve others, serve like all the day long, ha, but I love them and would do anything for these 5 boys. They are my world, and to the 4 little boys Casey and myself are their world. I want to be kinder, more loving, more patient, more intentional. I want to be my best for them and savor up these days when they are completely mine with little to no outside distractions.





Sunday, January 1, 2017

The birth of baby Easton

I was quite eager to get our new baby boy in this world! Not because it was a terrible pregnancy but just excited for another little baby. With a due date of Dec 20, I was perfectly ok with being induced early to help his birthday be a little further away from Christmas and to plan for Casey and time off work. Dec 16 was the day that happened to work for us and my doctor. I was 39 weeks 3 days.

Night before snuggles. Lots of "hold you's from these two. They had no clue what was going on but on the other hand they were overly clingy that night, ha.

The morning of the 16th, Casey's mom met us at our house to watch the kids. I was so thankful I got a really good night's sleep that night knowing, "hello tired hours/days/weeks/months coming up!" We left around 6:45, Casey needed to stop at McDonald's for his hearty breakfast to get him through his exhausting day 😏. We arrived at the hospital around 7, did I mention how icy it was outside? So much ice! The car was sliding everywhere and even we doubled on some of our steps due to slipping a little on the ice. But we made it into the hospital safe and timely.

I actually love being induced, you can be totally ready with your belongings, household, child care, mental status, it's a fun, calm, exciting experience! Because my other 2 pregnancies have been inductions due to high blood pressure and they turned out just fine, I knew this electively induced delivery would go just fine too. I'd been having tons of good contractions in the previous weeks and days and knew my body would be ready for it.

We did paperwork, got the IV in (only 1 poke! and it was technically in my arm, but super close by my wrist, not as bad as it being in my hand but seriously no complaints, first try and she got it not in my hand, bless that nurse. If you remember from the twins birth they had the hardest time getting it anywhere and end up in my right hand, made life not enjoyable). We met our nurse, Amelia, who we were so lucky to have, she was my delivery nurse the whole day and postpartum nurse the next 2 days, it was so great having the same gal who knew me and everything that was going on, that is definitely a pro to a small town hospital. She asked about my birth plan and I pulled out my typed and laminated paper which read:

EPIDURAL
We were quick friends after that.

Around 8:15 my doctor, Dr Kattan, came in to break my water. Now that is not the normal series of events. Usually they start pitocin and then break the water awhile later. I asked him if we could break the water first to see if my body went anywhere by itself, I was just curious knowing I'd been showing a lot of signs before. It was funny, Dr Kattan came in all negative Nancy like doubting telling me all the worst case scenarios blah blah blah and all I could do was laugh at him a little and roll my eyes with the nurse. I'd knew it'd be fine so we all just ignored his pessimism. Don't get me wrong super nice guy and he was a great doctor for me, but come on, ha!

After my water broke I had to stay in bed to monitor baby's heart rate for awhile so during this time Casey and I did some name searching and talking back and forth since we still hadn't decided on a name and we started watching Friends, it's now become tradition watching Friends at the hospital. I think it's a funny show with laughter that's good relief but you can also stop paying attention to it and not miss anything. After almost 2 hours time, about 1 hour of actual moving on the birthing ball or walking around and having decent contractions while walking around I was still where I had started off that day, dilated to 3 effaced to 50%, so pitocin we went which I was a-ok with with.

I think around 11 they got pitocin going, by 1 they were hard enough often enough where I knew I'd like my epidural knowing it may take time to come to me. Unfortunately it did take an hour for the Dr to get to me, and unfortunately the nurse turned down the pitocin so my contractions lessened in intensity and got further apart which, for me, makes the epidural harder to get. I say that because I'd personally like my contractions to be hard enough and difficult enough in which it makes getting the epidural a breeze in comparison so because that was not the case it made the epidural seem terribly painful, ha. And getting the epidural in did take longer than I'd had in the past. I don't know what it all was but it wasn't quick and easy. BUT it worked perfectly and beautifully once it was in and set up and there were no complications with it afterwards except a sore back so I really can't complain too much!

By 2:15 the epidural began working and I then got immediately sleepy, and maybe dizzy but I couldn't pin point it to that word necessarily and then I told her I could potentially throw up soon, well that darn blood pressure of mine suddenly lowered A TON, thus all those weird feelings. The nurse laid my bed back a little, and my blood pressure went back to normal right before they were about to give me some medicine to make it go back up. I guess it's sometimes normal for blood pressure to suddenly  lower after an epidural, I'm glad they quickly knew what to do to attend to my needs and I'm also really glad I can give birth to a baby without feeling a ton of pain, ha.

Soon after my epidural she checked me to say I was only at a 4, and I was like for real?! After almost 3 hours on pitocin and only dilated to a 4!? This better not take all day, I was hoping for a baby 2 hours ago! So I was a tiny bit deflated where things were going. I knew it would still be fine I just wanted to hold my little baby already, I was not planning on this laboring process being long for baby number 4! So I went ahead and went to sleep to pass the time, ha.

I woke up around 4, the nurse checked me at 4:30 and I was a 6 so that made me happy but still thinking man I must have like 3+ hours left at this slow rate I'm going. At 5:10 she checked again and I was a 9, yay! Very soon after that I told her I was feeling a lot of pressure down there knowing that was the sign that I'm ready! So she began getting everything ready, I also mentioned I'm ok with waiting for baby to keep dropping by himself before I begin pushing because the last thing I wanted was a long pushing process, been there done that (with Max) and NOOOOOOO thank you. At 5:30 she checked me told me to do a little practice push with the next contraction, as I did so she quickly said "Oh no, stop, don't do that again until the Dr gets here" ha, so yay another great sign! Dr Kattan came in quickly after that got his gloves and coat thing on and first thing he said "Oh wow, that's his head right there." He directed me to do a little push to get his head out and then stop, seriously, smallest push of my life, so wonderful, he cleaned out baby's nose and mouth, one more small push and at 5:38 the rest of baby was out and put immediately on my chest!

That is the best feeling ever, so much immediate joy and happiness knowing your baby is finally here! Meeting someone you already love so much for the first time, the love and joy in your heart is just exploding and all you can do is just look at him and hold and sit there in awe that he's yours. The room was so calm during it all, just Casey, the Dr, and 2 nurses, all seemed so sweet and serene. Baby was healthy I was happy and not exhausted, Casey right there close by at my side just loving to finally hold my sweet baby boy. Small tears came out of my eyes with a big huge smile on my face just staring at this baby, I was just elated he was here!








Placenta was delivered, a small tear was repaired quickly and what seemed effortlessly, and we were soon left alone about 20 min after he was born! The whole time baby boy was trying his hardest to get something in his mouth, ha, rooting around with all his might. Once I could sit up he latched on perfectly right away and seriously nursed for like an hour and a half it seemed like as we were waiting for my legs to be strong enough for me to walk.

Casey's mom came with the kids around 7:15 to meet baby brother! They walked in and it was just adorable. Everyone asking for the baby with their very wide open eyes looking for him. The excitement on Maxson's face was insanely adorably, he was bursting at the seams. Max was the first to hold him and his smile could not be wiped away. He was so gentle and sweet and kept telling me how cute the baby was. When he was done we asked the twins if they wanted a turn and they were both immediately scared/turned off and just wanted Casey or Grammie to hold them, lol. Bryson finally got the courage to hold the baby after a little while and did great. A little after that Quinn said he was ready on the couch that was not by me and after that everyone wanted to keep holding them.



After about 10-15 min of them being there they all started touching things and getting wild so it was definitely time to go, ha. They were all so sweet saying bye to the baby. The birth of a new baby just makes your heart want to explode beyond belief and then when you see your kids meet that baby and hold him and love that just makes you want to die of happiness, seriously, so so so adorable.

After they left I was ready to try to walk and it was surprisingly easy and not painful, seriously, every birth and recovery just keeps getting easier and easier, my goodness. Once in our recovery room we went back to the drawing board on names. I had one I was SUPER leaning toward, and Casey had one he was super leaning toward but neither of us totally LOVED each other's name. I was starting to get a little deflated again thinking one of us would have to settle on a name we didn't absolutely love which made me sad because I LOVE our other little boys' names. We took out our computers/phones and went back to lots of intense searching. We'd call out names to each other that we either seriously liked personally or crazy names that were too hilarious not to share. But if someone said a name and the other kinda liked it we'd voice that opinion but mostly kept going on searching. Finally Casey came across Easton, which we had mentioned in name talking months ago but completely forgot about it! After a few more minutes we were both settled that Easton was our new little boys name. FINALLY about 5 hours after the little babe was born he was given a name:

EASTON WOODRUFF CUTLER. 

And that is the wonderful birth story of our little Easton :)

The rest of our stay there was so wonderful, remember, I had the same delivery nurse for my post partum care which was so wonderful to have the same sweet gal, Amelia look after us. And same with the night nurse, same great gal each night.
The children came to visit once more and were adorable bringing Easton a little car. I wasn't as scary to them this time around being in normal clothes and I could actually get up from my bed. And then after 5 minutes the twins began being hoodlums like normal even climbing into the baby's rolling crib😳 oh brother. Soon after they left, ha.

The hospital stay is like a mini vacation for a mom with kids. Someone is there to take care of your every need at your beckon call (more water please!), meals with no prep or clean up, quietness, naps pretty much whenever you want, peace, a new sweet baby, lounging in PJ's and cozy socks all day. Seriously, I personally rather enjoyed my hospital stay lol. Casey was there a ton with me the first full day and also stayed with me the first night after he was born (bless my amazing mother in law!) and the 2nd night he was with kids and in the late morning came to pick up Easton and myself to go home!


 The Christmas lights and abundance of snow (and ice!) were a fun scene from my window.
The day we left the hospital the weather was FREEZING! Do you see that part below where it says "Feels like -16?!"

And that is Easton's birth story :) and our practically perfect hospital stay!

Recovery with this one has been a breeze. I could barely walk it seemed like with Maxson's. The twins' birth was easier but still pretty sore and walking was still kind of a burden even after day 3. And this one, it was more like send me on a mile fun run the day after! It's been breezy easy!

Thank you everyone for well wishes support and love! surprisingly it's kind of what they say it is, after 3 kids, anymore than that is the same, it's already more chaos than you can handle so why not add another to love and smother! By all means, I'm up for the task!

For fun:
HERE is Maxon's birth story
HERE is Bryson and Quinn's birth story

PS- I just read through both of those birth stories. 3rd/4th time go around birthing a child is like 1 million percent better than that first time. Oh my heck, I sound like a loofy sentimental hippie with Maxson's birth. Nope, I'm smarter now, never do I ever need an unmedicated child birth. You go through enough pain with the after birth cramps as it is that are horrifically painful! Get the epidural, have low expectations for recovery and birth and just everything and then you will be happy with your experience :)



Meet Easton

4th child syndrome: His blogged birth announcement 2 weeks late :)


Easton Woodruff Cutler
12/16/16 
5:38 pm
7 pounds 12 oz (bless you child for not being huge!)
19.5 inches (probably more like 20 1/4, 4 days after he was born he was released at 20.5 accurately...)

a dream baby.

sleeps all day long.
so sweet and cuddly.
we're so so in love!